Nice Guys Finish Last
by WHENICOMEAROUND
Summary: Collection of songs, poems, and thoughts from the diary of Charlie Pace. Chaire all the way.
1. Babies, I Guess

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Well! I am going to have fun with this story! Charlie is one of my absolute favorite characters on LOST and I could never write enough stories about him. All hail Charlie. And Dominic Monaghan, because only he could play a guys as funny as Charlie. I don't think anyone else could get away with it.

Also... **hooray for bolds and italics!** I'm updating this at school so I can use Microsoft Word (I don't have that at home so I usually use Notepad.) and Internet Explorer.

**DISCLAIMER:** Sigh. I do not own Lost. But I own this story, which is all the text after this-

**-NICE GUYS FINISH LAST-**

**-BY WHENICOMEAROUND-**

**-CHAPTER ONE-**

**FROM THE DIARY OF CHARLIE PACE**

_**Friday, 27th September**_

_**5:17 pm **_

Right now I'm watching the baby sleep. He's so beautiful, he looks just like his mommy.

Spent all day with Aaron because Claire is exhausted. Turnip Head keeps waking up in the night and screaming. Wish I could do something about it, but he's hungry and it's not like I can feed him. Question- who could possibly be hungry at one in the morning?

Babies, I guess.

Not that there's anything wrong with babies. Really, I love Aaron. But I wish I could help Claire out some more.

Speaking of, here she comes.

_**Saturday, 28th September**_

_**1:17 am **_

_**(From what I can see of Sayid's watch)**_

_She's a mystery _

_The lady by the sea_

Ugh. No.

_She's the only one that makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. _

It's been done.

It is so hard to write a song about her!

_The lady in dist--_

_**Saturday, 28th September**_

_**10:00 am**_

Last night Claire saw me writing and woke up. Then she wanted to know what I was doing.

Just writing, I said.

Writing what, she wanted to know.

Just thoughts, I said.

Hmm. She went back to sleep.

Now she's off walking with the baby so I've got some free time to myself.

_Her eyes…_

UGH! WHAT _ABOUT_ HER EYES?

It's so hard to write songs about her.

**A/N: **Hmm. As a songwriter I agree with Charlie. Some things are just too personal to write songs about.

Please review!


	2. Almond Joys Have Nuts, Mounds Don't

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** This chapter was inspired by my mother. Every year after we go trick-or-treating we always give her or my dad the candies we don't like, which usually always contain Almond Joys. I like the Joy part, but I never eat the Almond. Anyway, she has the candy, then goes around for days singing, "Almond Joys have nuts, Mounds don't. Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't."

So that's what I was thinking about when I wrote this chapter, so, heh heh, you'll see that in here.

Catchy tune, really.

"Almond joys have nuts, Mounds don't."

GROAN. Thanks a lot, Mom.

**DISCLAIMER:** Sigh. Sadly, I do not own LOST, Charlie, or any of the other great wonders someone very intelligent has created.

**-NICE GUYS FINISH LAST-**

**-BY WHENICOMEAROUND-**

**-CHAPTER TWO-**

**Monday, 30th September**

**10:30 am**

Well.

After spending two days out in the jungle acting heroic, Jack has finally allowed the rest of us normal people to go down into the hatch and see what's down there that's got everybody all hyped up.

And let me tell you- I CAN'T BELIEVE WE WAITED THIS LONG TO GO DOWN THERE!

There is food, running water, electricity-

(And a record player, but that's besides the point.)

Jack told me that some guy named Desmond lived down here, then he told some cock-and-bull story about how we have to push a button every one hundred eight minutes or we'll all explode or something.

Whacked out. I said that, and then Jack just rolled his eyes and nodded.

So finally, we see eye-to-eye on something.

Anyway, John gave us all this big speech about how we're going to have to take turns pressing the button. See, every 104 minutes, this alarm sounds, then you have to enter the code into this computer and press execute, then the timer goes back to 108. Supposedly that's what this Desmond character did before he up and left.

That's right. He just up and left. Took off. Ran as far as he could. We're not sure where he is now.

So now I'm sitting down here, since it's my shift. Pretty boring, waiting down here for one hundred eight minutes to press a button.

Oops, there's the timer. Gotta enter the code.

**Monday, 30th September**

**11:15 am **

Now I'm off Doomsday Button Duty (so called by Hurley) and on Turnip Head Duty (also called by Hurley). He's asleep, so I'm writing this. Apparently week five of heroin withdrawal gives me the feeling of having ADHD and makes it impossible to sit still.

Trust me. I'd know.

_With turnip head right by my side_

_... la la la... something about run and hide. _

Ugh. No.

_I've tested positive for ADHD... _

Please. That would never sell.

_ADHD positive..._

CHARLIE! WHERE IS YOUR BRAIN TODAY?

**Monday, 30th September (still)**

**10:30 pm**

You know, considering that the Beatles got away with writing about a Yellow Submarine, why can't I write ONE BLOODY SONG ABOUT HER?

_She makes me feel like it's raining..._

Ho hum, it's been done before.

_Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't. _

Candy bar jingle. Heh heh heh.

You're on a roll, Pace.

**A/N:** Short chapter, sorry 'bout that, but I'm pretty swamped at the moment. I finished Poprocks and Coke, I just have to post it all... I also have to update Holiday before Allison kills me (typing and posting is my job, heh.), memorize my lines AND a piece for piano, I've got enough homework to last me for about a month, AND I still have to finish my article.

So yeah. Don't expect another post for a while.

Also, I can only go online on Wednesday afternoons or Saturday mornings (most of the time), during seventh period, and Thursdays after school during Newspaper. Hopefully I will update all my stories tomorrow at school and get that done for a while.

Plus, that stupid article.

:Sigh:. I should have waited with this story, I know, but I couldn't help it.

Inspiration comes at the worst times sometimes.


	3. Hey, I Love You

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Has anyone ever seen the music video for Nice Guys Finish Last? It is hysterical.

_**"NICE GUYS FINISH LAST... BUT GREEN DAY FINISHES FIRST." **_

You have to see it. Seriously.

**DISCLAIMER:** Do you think I could possibly own Lost? Seriously. Think about it. I am a fourteen year old obsessive Lost nerd who has a thing about Sawyer. Honestly.

**-NICE GUYS FINISH LAST-**

**-BY WHENICOMEAROUND-**

**-CHAPTER THREE-**

**Tuesday, 30th September**

**8:16 am**

Turnip Head's got a diaper rash. Just my luck Claire's got a cold, so I've got to deal with the both of them being cranky.

Not that I care. I mean, I'd go to the end of the earth for either of them. But Turnip Head has turned into Tomato Bottom, and that makes him veeeeeeery uncomfortable.

Don't really blame him. Heh heh.

**Wednesday, 1st October**

**7:12 pm**

Diaper rash situation not improving, though Claire's cold is. Went to Jack to ask for ointment or something, but he hasn't got anything.

Perfect.

**Thursday, 2nd October **

**9:31 pm**

Caught a fish today. About time, I'll say. Without Jin around here we don't have as much fish as we used to, and mangos get old after a while.

**Friday, 3rd October**

**2:15 pm**

Sawyer, Jin, and Michael are back. Can't say I'm surprised, but I must find Hurley- he bet they'd last at least two weeks, it's only been one. I win.

Sawyer said something about the bloody others and a boat, and Walt getting taken away.

Michael beside himself with guilt and worry and whatnot. Apparently Sawyer's story checks out and Walt was taken away by some nutters on a boat. Go figure.

He isn't speaking to any of us. Sawyer is. He's already called me "a VH1 has-been", "a Warped-tour wannabe" and "Daddy Pumpkin Head" six times, and when I pointed out that it's Turnip Head, not Pumpkin Head, he went "Pff, whatever." and left, probably to go harass poor Kate.

Speak of the devil. By the sounds of it Jack and Sawyer are reuniting. As in, Jack's fist with Sawyer's face.

Oh, God. Wonder what he did this time.

Should go break it up.

-Charlie.

**Saturday, 4th October**

**1:15 am**

Been thinking about Claire, who else. It's never been like me to not come out and say how I feel when I do. Have made up my mind. I'm going to tell her.

**Sunday, 5th October**

**12:50 pm**

_Hello you_

_I've got something to say_

_I hope my words will help you see my way _

_I can't hold it any longer_

Damn it, what bloody rhymes with 'longer'?

_I just want to tell you_

_Just want to let you know_

_Just dropping by to say _

_Hey_

_I love you _

Crap.

_And if you only want to be my friend_

_I'll wait for you until the end_

Double crap!

_I love you... _

Well, duh.

_Hey Claire_

_I love you _

Ugh.

I think "You All, Everybody" was a lot easier.

Then again, I don't even know what it's about, and I wrote it.


	4. Rock Countdown Reject

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** I got the season one box set with my Christmas money, hooray!

So I was watching all good Chaire episodes over (there were a lot more during the first season, by the way, did anyone else notice? BULL SHIT! BRING BACK THE CHAIRE! Excuse my language, sorry) and I got struck with this idea. I'm not telling what it is. You'll figure it out. So let's see where my idea takes us.

**QUOTE:** "Hey, who's up for a slice of pie?" -My four-year-old cousin Sarah (who, by the way, replaces all her R's with L's, hence, I am "Malea Clistina") at one AM on New Year's

We put the fun in dysfunctional.

**AUTHOR'S ADVICE TO THE READER**: Don't stop reading, no matter how bad it gets. This is my story and I promise, it will all get better in the end. Just giving you a heads up. It will get ugly around the middle, but it gets better. Trust me.

**DISCLAIMER:** Don't own Lost, which may be good. Imagine if I did. The world would cease to exist as we know it.

But at least it'd be Jate.

**-NICE GUYS FINISH LAST-**

**-BY WHENICOMEAROUND-**

**-CHAPTER FOUR-**

**Monday, 6th October**

**6:22 pm**

Big mistake.

Can't bear to write it.

Hate myself.

_**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**_

_**And since Charlie can't spare to write the gruesome, heartbreaking details, I will. **_

_**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**_

"Hey, Claire." said Charlie.

Claire looked up from her book. "Hey." she said.

"Aaron asleep?" said Charlie, sitting down beside her.

"Yeah." she said. "There something you want?"

"No, not really." said Charlie, biting his fingernail. Since he'd stopped using the heroin he'd been extremely fidgety.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, fine." Charlie ripped off a fingernail.

Momentary silence, punctuated by; "I have to tell you something."

"Okay." said Claire, putting down her book and looking at him. She rested her cheek against her fist. "What is it?"

"Claire, I..." Charlie struggled for words. He could feel himself sweating. He probably looked like such an idiot right now.

"You...?" said Claire expectantly.

"I really... I... I-"

"Hey, baby!"

Charlie turned around to see who dared to interrupt his big confession. It was Sawyer.

Sawyer walked up to Claire and put his arm around her waist. He kissed her. "What's up, Chucky?" he said.

Charlie wasn't sure who he wanted dead more, Sawyer or himself.

"Hey, sweetie." said Claire, kissing Sawyer back.

"How's my boy?" said Sawyer, leaning over to look at Aaron, asleep in his cradle.

This can't be happening. This cannot be happening, Charlie tried to convince himself in his mind.

Oh. But it is.

"He's good. He missed his daddy." said Claire.

Charlie's jaw dropped. Oh, no he DIDN'T.

"Well, I'm back now." said Sawyer with a huge, Sawyer-ish, smirky grin that made Charlie want to explode on the spot. Sawyer went over to the cradle and picked Aaron up. "Hey, Aaron. How's my boy?"

Aaron smiled and laughed at Sawyer.

"Why don't we take a walk, honey?" said Sawyer to Claire. "Hey Chuck, you don't mind watching Aaron, do you?"

"No." Charlie whispered through gritted teeth. "I don't mind."

"Well, let's go then!" said Sawyer cheerfully. He put Aaron back in his cradle and took Claire by the hand.

"Nice guys finish last, Charlie." said Sawyer as they walked away.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Monday, 6th October**

**7:00 pm**

I feel so stupid. I mean, why would a beautiful, smart, funny girl like Claire want a dumb guy like me.

Sawyer's right. I am a rock countdown reject.

**Tuesday, 7th October**

**8:00 am**

Don't even feel like getting up. I know I'm going to have to face Claire and Sawyer again. This sucks.

Nice guys finish last

You're running out of gas

Bloody Green Day. I can't even write a sodding song. I'm such a loser.

**Tuesday, 7th October**

**11:30 am**

Claire been relatively nice. She politely declined my offer to take care of Aaron while she took a bath. (Don't ask me why I even offered, knowing she's got Sawyer to take care of her.) Said she'd take him. "You do too much for me as it is, Charlie." she said. Oh, you know it.

I tried avoiding Sawyer but he's been okay too. Only called me Potato Head once. Don't ask me where he even got that from. My head does not look like a potato.

Or maybe it does. That would explain why Claire hates me.

**Wednesday, 8th October **

**12:00 pm**

Bloody hell.

I am such an idiot.

Claire asked me to watch Aaron today, just for a few minutes while she went pee. Before I could stop myself, I said, "Why don't you get Sawyer to do it?"

"Sawyer?" she said. "What?"

"Yeah, precious Sawyer. You know. Aaron's daddy." I said.

Then her eyebrows went all close together (it's so cute when she does that) and she goes, "What the hell are you talking about?"

And then, it hit me.

Sawyer doesn't love Claire. Claire barely even talks to Sawyer.

It was one of those sodding hallucinations!

IT WAS A SODDING HALLUCINATION!

I never thought I'd say this, but THANK GOD FOR HEROIN WITHDRAWAL!

I got so excited, I started jumping up and down right there like an idiot and hugging Claire.

And the whole time she's going, "Charlie, what's going on?"

And I just laughed and hugged her and we were both standing there, she was a little bit in shock, I think (so was I, come to think of it), but she was hugging me too, and right then and there I go, "Claire, I really love you."

Which just goes to show you...

I'm still an idiot.

**A/N:** Poor Charlie, but I promise it gets better again!


	5. Nice Guys Finish First

**DISCLAIMER:** Don't own Lost. New episode next week, I think. 

About damn time.

Better be Jate.

**QUOTE:** "I'm sick of this redneck!" -Sayid (according to Giuli, "The Middle Eastern Bro")

**-NICE GUYS FINISH LAST-  
-BY WHENICOMEAROUND-  
-CHAPTER FIVE-**

She just stood there sort of in shock.

I stopped smiling. I stopped jumping. I probably would have stopped breathing, but my heart was slamming against my ribcage, reminding me I had to.

"What?" she said.

I considered saying "nothing" and leaving it at that, but no. It's about sodding time I said something.

"Claire, I really love you." I said again.

Then she started crying.

"Claire," I said. "what's wrong?"

"No." she said. She kept saying it. "No, no, no, no, no."

Now, you can imagine how this is all making me feel now. Like a pile of dung, pretty much.

"'No' what?" I said.

"I... Charlie, I..." but she couldn't say anything. She was crying too hard.

So I patted her on the back once, then I said, "I'm sorry." And I left.

Seriously. What was I supposed to bloody do?

"Wait!" she yelled after me.

I turned around. She looked so helpless, so alone, just standing there, tears streaming down her face in buckets. I myself felt exactly how she looked, but I wasn't crying. Not yet. It was a matter of time.

"Charlie," she whispered, walking up to me. "I love you, too."

**Thursday, 9th October **

**11:55 am**

Right now I'm sitting by Aaron. He's asleep, so I might as well finish up about yesterday...

After she said that (you know, "I love you too") I really couldn't do anything but hug her. So that's all we did, for about five minutes. I was so happy.

Then Sawyer walks by and goes, "God, get a room."

To which I said, "Shove off, hick."

Claire laughed. Sawyer just widened his eyes and left.

"I don't say it enough," said Claire. "but I'm really thankful for all you've done for me, Charlie. I really do love you."

I could only smile. "You're very welcome, Claire."

Then I kissed her.

And I only have one thing to say:

Up yours, Sawyer. Nice guys finish FIRST.

**A/N:** Awww.

Thanks for reading!

CHAIRE FOREVER!

_-WHENICOMEAROUND_


End file.
